Christ Current

Several years ago, I built an entire blog in my own strength. I built it with the hope of helping at least one other person suffering similarly, so the intention was genuine and good but beneath it was the undercurrent that it was for my own name rather than God’s. By the world’s standards, it was a success and it reached far more people than I ever expected. 

Recently, I asked God why He would allow something that wasn’t truly for His glory to succeed. He showed me that I needed to learn the difference between success in the eyes of the world and success in the eyes of God. I had to learn that those things I thought would fill me once I achieved them, could not, and only He could. What I thought was evidence of my own ability was, in reality, evidence of His undeserved grace. Even before I knew Him, every good gift had still come from Him. 

When I started that blog in 2021, I was living in deep desperation. After sustaining a traumatic brain injury and a violent shaking of my life for years on end, I found myself trapped in a strange place of holding two seemingly opposite realities at once. I was grateful to be alive because it was a miracle, yet at the same time, it felt like I had died on impact and was just being dragged along in this world, suffering, and so I didn’t want to be in it anymore. In one split second, the life I once knew was gone. I was so disabled and emptied of the productivity, independence, and normalcy that had once defined my days that I no longer recognized myself. I found myself trapped in a darkness I could not escape. I searched the world for healing and hope but I could not find it. It had nothing that could truly restore me. I no longer knew who I was because everything that had once defined my identity had been stripped away. 

Everything was foggy, not just physically because of the trauma to my brain, but spiritually. I couldn’t see clearly with my physical eyes or spiritual eyes. One day, overwhelmed by discouragement and sitting in the darkness of it all, I picked up a paintbrush. Without planning it, I began painting exactly how I felt and the image produced was a brain surrounded by a massive cloud of fog. 

That image would become the logo for my first blog and inspire its name: Lift the Fog.

I wondered if the fog would ever lift, and if it did, who could possibly lift it. It seemed like a lofty dream, and I told people my blog represented my commitment to never giving up on healing, but deep inside, I somehow knew I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for in this world. 

Hope was gone. I spent my savings and the little amount of energy I had left on doctors and rehabilitation, traveling across the world in search of someone to heal me. I felt like a prisoner of my own life. The fog was so dense I could hardly see a glimmer of light peeking through. 

What I never expected to discover is that there is only One who can truly lift the fog. After years of suffering, I finally reached the end of myself and desperately cried out to God. To my surprise, He answered. I met Jesus.

I encountered the One True Living God, and everything changed. 

His love and kindness overwhelmed me. It felt foreign because I had never known anything like it, yet at the same time, it felt more familiar than anything else. For the first time in my life, I was Home. I was in the arms of God. I had been running my entire life and had finally arrived where I was always meant to be.

Almost four weeks after I was saved, God prompted me to re-open that old blog. As I read it, I was overcome with grief and shame because I may have mentioned God once or twice, but the focus was entirely on me. I was so ashamed, I asked God to forgive me and deleted it in all its entirety right on the spot. 

I knew God didn’t lead me there to condemn or guilt me back into old shame. But it didn’t yet register that He was inviting me to write again, not from the old person I had been, but from the new person He had made me.  

All those years of rejecting Him flashed before my eyes and I couldn’t believe I had done that, yet He met me with the exact opposite of what I deserved. I couldn’t fathom it. I had a hard time shaking off the shame, which led me to plead with God, “Father, You have forgiven me, so help me forgive myself. How do I do that?” He answered and helped me but the blog was gone. Looking back, I realize the contrast between that old writing and what God has done since would have been a testimony in itself. But perhaps He really led me there to show me the dramatic difference between the old and the new.

Throughout Scripture, we see God give people new names after they encounter Him because He doesn’t simply improve people; He makes them new. That’s what He has done for me. The person who wrote that old blog is gone. She was crucified with Christ.

He raised me up with Him, and along with giving me a new life and a new identity, God gave me a new blog. He didn’t simply replace Lift the Fog with Christ Current. He removed the old and brought forth something entirely new. 

Looking back, in my darkest hour I realize God was intricately weaving a testimony of His goodness long before I could understand it. Even there, I just couldn’t see it yet. And that painting of a brain surrounded by fog captured my condition perfectly. I could describe my blindness, but I didn’t yet know the One who could give me eyes to see.

At the time, I believed the painting was only about my injured brain. Eventually, I’d see it was also a picture of my injured and lost soul. God used that painting to lead me to begin writing, not because I had found the answer, but because one day He would reveal the answer was no other than Himself. What I thought was just a relentless struggle of a grueling physical recovery turned out to be a battle for my soul. Others had prayed for my physical healing for years, and eventually, that’s what I prayed for too. But what I received was better: Jesus healed my soul. He found me, and now I have the great honor of telling the world that what He has done for me, He came to do for them too. 

That is what happens when we receive the Spirit of the Living God. 

The old and new do not mix. Lift the Fog was born from a desperate search for healing and hope without yet knowing the One who heals, who truly lifts the fog, and who is Living Hope. I wanted my writing to become part of the solution, to remind someone they were not alone. God showed me that Christ is the solution and we are never alone for He is with us. My role isn’t to lift the fog for anyone. My role is simply to point people to the One who can. Like a mighty rushing wind, the Holy Spirit blew the fog away.

Christ Current is different. It is about the victorious, life-giving flow of Christ through His Spirit: the One who lifts the fog, gives new life, sets us apart and calls us into His purpose.

God didn’t just give me a new life. He gave me a new way to see life itself: not through a worldview, but through a Kingdom view. Looking back, I can now see that there were always two currents pulling at my heart. One carried me deeper into darkness, while the other was drawing me toward Christ, into light. I was drowning because I was being pulled by the current of the world and had not yet met the Anchor of my soul. And when I did, I came to know peace and joy that flows even amidst the most difficult circumstances. This is the flow of the Spirit.

That’s why God gave me the name for this blog: Christ Current.

None of it was wasted. God was patiently weaving together a testimony that would one day point not to me, but to Christ. What I thought was my story all along was actually His. And it is one of redemption and victory.